Obsession
by Ersuela
Summary: R for language and suicide. One-sided Yaten/Seiya Yaoi. Homophobes kindly take a bow and make for the door. Yaten has an alluring obsession with Seiya, too bad he doesn't feel the same way...Yaten's POV.


A.N: Eh, I just had a sudden urge to do this after listening to the song, "Possession"  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Bishoujo Senshi Serraa Muun nor do I own the song "Possession"  
  
WARNING: This story contains one-sided yaoi between Yaten/Seiya! If that is not you're thing, then I suggest you take a bow and make for the door. Thanks! By the way, this is a dark and angst-filled fic. Not to mention it contains suicide...  
  
Obsession  
By Firefly-chan  
  
He was an obsession, a constant desire on my mind. I couldn't eat or sleep or dream without him haunting my mind. I wanted him, I needed him, and without him I would more then likely die. And it was funny, you know? I was considered more of a pretty boy than Seiya was, but to me, he was the most beautiful creature God could've carved. He had this gorgeous black hair that flowed and streamed past his back like a rippled river would. But the things that intrigued me the most about him, was his eyes. They were this superb shade of blue, and it was almost like you could drown in them one thousand times and over. But it hurt so much to know that no matter how much I loved him, he could possibly never know how I felt.  
  
He was still infatuated with that silly moon girl, probably always would be. I have no quarrel with Usagi, she's a terribly sweet girl but I hate her. I hate her for taking away the affections of the only person that I would EVER love. She was just playing with him I could see that. Leading him on before dumping him back out and running back into the arms of that Kamen-baka. Seiya didn't deserve that; he didn't deserve any kind of pain such as that. He was oblivious to it all, though, still thinking he had a chance with her when he didn't. I wanted him to turn away from Usagi, to look at me and actually *see* me for once. He wouldn't of course, he wasn't like that. Only thought of me as a friend, as a companion and nothing else. God, reality, you certainly can be one of the biggest bitches that I have ever known.  
  
:::Listen as the wind blows:::  
:::from across the great divide:::  
:::Voices trapped in yearning:::  
:::memories trapped in time:::  
:::The night is my companion:::  
:::and solitude my guide:::  
:::Would I spend forever here:::  
:::and not be satisfied:::  
  
He looks so innocent when he is sleeping, like a child who still needs to be introduced to the real world. I figure that everyone looks younger when they sleep, but Taiki doesn't. He always has this blank and cold expression on his face and it's miserable to think what must make him feel that way, so very monotone to the rest of the world. I suppose I had turned that way too, uncaring and neglectful to turn and pay attention to other's feelings. I even acted that way to Seiya, more so now that I feel this way. I can see that it hurts him before he swings into this fit of anger, and it pains me to know that I actually caused him too hurt emotionally. But I guess Seiya has always been that way, sensitive. He wasn't like Taiki and I, though, he still remained the loving and caring person he's always been. Though he does tend to cover it up with a tough and ass like attitude at times.  
  
I let out a quiet sigh, stroking Seiya's silky hair as he slept, looking out the window that stood near his bed. The skies were dark and only a few stars speckled the heavens. I liked it better that way, dark and mysterious, it seemed to add more drama to the atmosphere. Seiya liked it better when there were more stars in the air, he always did lean towards liking the light better, anyway.   
  
:::And I would be the one:::  
:::to hold you down:::  
:::kiss you so hard:::  
:::I'll take your breath away:::  
:::and after I'd wipe away the tears:::  
:::Just close your eyes dear:::  
  
I wish it didn't have to be this way, I wish I could stay with him forever. But I can't, I can't simply go on like everything is all right when it isn't. I can't live without him, hell, I can't even breathe when I'm away from him. And knowing that he loved someone else, would ALWAYS love someone else just made me feel dead anyway. So, where the hell did I stand? Somewhere between life and dead, heaven and hell, somewhere in the middle of them all. I loved you, Seiya. God, what am I saying? I do love you, and even in the depths of hell I will *still* love you. And then you'll finally be looking down on me, won't you? Yeah, you will.  
  
I wiped away the tears that had fallen onto my cheeks in an irritated matter, but one managed to slip past my hand and fall onto Seiya's neck. I held my breath as he let out a small moan, but didn't awaken. I sat there for several moments before looking away again, gritting my teeth so tightly it caused my jaw to ache. It hurt to look at him, see his flawless features and know that he would never be mine. I love you, Seiya! Why can't you open you're blinded mind and see that? I looked back at him, standing up and leaning over him. I love you...  
  
:::Through this world I've stumbled:::  
:::so many times betrayed:::  
:::Trying to find an honest word:::  
:::to find the truth enslaved:::  
:::Oh you speak to me in riddles and:::  
:::you speak to me in rhymes:::  
:::My body aches to breathe your breath:::  
:::you words keep me alive:::  
  
Without a second thought at what I was going to do, I gripped at his surprisingly slender shoulders and pressed him deeper into the mattress. Seiya's eyes shot open in alarm, before calming when they rested upon me, but soon after confusion clouded them and he opened his mouth to speak. Hurriedly, before he could ask me anything, I pressed my mouth against his in a rough and needy kiss. He was frozen with shock for a moment before squirming helplessly in my tight grip. Seconds later, I broke away, breathing heavily and voice hoarse.  
  
"I hope you remember that," I spat, the anger in my voice surprising me, "I hope you remember that as the symbol of all the HELL you put me through."  
  
He stared at me, eyes filled with after shock and remaining astonishment, "Yaten...I..."  
  
"I hate you," I shook him harshly, "Why did you have to make me feel this way?! Why, damn you, why!? Why couldn't you have just been someone else? Damn you, Seiya! I hate you! I hate you so goddamn much! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I collapsed to my knees, letting out a breathless sob, "...But in that hate I still find love. I hate you, Seiya Kou, but I still love you."  
  
I faintly heard Seiya move from his bed, and kneel down beside me. Cautiously he reached out a hand, touching my shoulder. He shook his head and spoke, "Yaten, I-I didn't know."  
  
"Yeah, well, you don't know a lot of things," I whispered, ignoring the tears that fell to the carpeted ground.  
  
"We can work this out, you know," He murmured, pressing his back against the stand of the bed.  
  
I shoved away his arm, glaring at him, "No. No, we can't, Seiya. This'll never be solved. You'll continue to love her and I'll continue to wish I was the one you loved." I got to my feet, throwing a nasty glance at him. "It's all you're fault, you know. It's all you're damn fault for coming to this world, for coming into my life. I just hope you realize once and for all that I did care about you, more then you will ever know. God damnit, Seiya! I loved-I LOVE you!" I backed away, turning the doorknob. "I...loved...you."   
  
I studied him for a second, taking in those clueless and frightened blue eyes and beautiful face for the last time before I turned around and exited the room. He didn't follow me as I left our apartment, didn't know that was the last time he would ever see me again.  
  
:::And I would be the one:::  
:::to hold you down:::  
:::kiss you so hard:::  
:::I'll take your breath away:::  
:::and after I'd wipe away the tears:::  
:::Just close your eyes dear:::  
  
I ran through the dark streets of Tokyo blindly, my tears mixing in with the rain that was pouring itself from the night sky. My insides were clenched with tension and emotional pain that I ignored. I ignored a lot of things, I suppose it's just my way of having to deal with them. I stopped by an large oak tree, leaning against it for support as I tried to catch my breath. I didn't know what I was going to do, well, I take that back. I was WELL aware of what I was going to do, I just didn't know how I was going to do it. I hated pain, which struck me as amusing, I put myself through hell every day and yet I fear pain.  
  
I pushed myself away from the tree, struggling to stay on my feet as I stumbled down the pavement. I pushed open the gate to the park, and fell on a bench, my legs giving out on me. Suddenly, I felt so very tired, maybe it was from the stress or something else. I didn't know, I didn't know anything, anymore. I sat there for maybe a half-hour, staring blankly at the fountain that stood across from me, towards the end of the park. My body began trembling from the loss of heat, and the freezing rain was *still* beating down upon me. My mind began to lock up, and to add onto the tiredness, I began to feel dizzy.   
  
I stood up, trying to balance myself as I pressed a hand against my head. Maybe I needed a drink, I could go over to the fountain and get one. No. That was silly, why would the fountain be working in the winter? They probably had it shut off. But how do you shut off a fountain? I took a few steps foreword, before blackness swerved before me and I felt myself violently swinging off to the side.   
  
"Holy shit! Yaten!"   
  
And that was the last thing I heard before the ground rushed up too meet me.  
  
****  
  
The first thing I noticed when I awoke was the damned bright light that seemed to purposely shine in my eyes. I tried to sling an arm over my head, but that deemed to be more difficult then usual for some reason, as my arm felt like it weighed a ton. I groaned and fought to open my eyes, and after a couple of moments I finally got use to the light and managed to turn successful in that task.   
  
The room that I was in was bright, complete with dark purple walls and several lamps that all seemed to be turned on. I looked over to the side, surprised to see Hotaru sitting in a chair, observing me silently with her chillingly cold royal purple eyes. That serious grimace on her features turned to a forced grin when she saw that I had awaken.  
  
"So, sleeping beauty finally awakes, eh?" She clucked her tongue, tilting both eyebrows upwards.  
  
I could feel my cheeks turn a tinge of pink. "Uh, yeah. Guess I was tired or something."  
  
She narrowed her eyes, folding slender but defined arms over her chest as she leaned back in her chair. "Oh, give it up, Yaten. You were more than tired, when I reached you, you're skin was like ice. You must've been out there for a damn long time, in my opinion."  
  
"Maybe I'm just naturally cold?" I snapped, trying to sit up but failing in the process. I fell back onto the pillows with an annoyed sigh, but managed to lift my arm to rub at my sore head.  
  
"I think I know suicide when I see it," It was said calmly, but when I snapped my head back to look at her, her face was anything but calm. Hotaru stood up, looming over me, eyes glittering dangerously. "You shouldn't mess around with things like that, Yaten. You'll end up in more trouble then you wanted."  
  
"And how would you know?" I muttered.  
  
"How would I know? How would *I* know," She seethed, voice bitter and raw, "Well, that's a good question, my dense friend. Have you opened you're eyes yet to whom I exactly am? I'm death, Yaten, I'm one of the things that the darkness fears and people fear the most. And you DARE to ask me how I would know?" She clenched her hands into fists. "I've thought about suicide too many times to count, for the basic matter. I've tried it a few times, but then I came to the realization that I would only come back as a child."   
  
She turned around, giving her back to face me. "I can come back, Yaten. You can't. So, I suggest you live you're life to it's fullest and solve whatever conflict you have at the moment before it ends up destroying you."  
  
"I can't solve it, Hotaru," I said, sourly, "There is no answer to it."  
  
"There is always an answer." She mumbled, running a hand through her black hair.  
  
"Not to mine," I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, "He loves her and no one else, it's as simple as that."  
  
I could feel her turn around and rest her eyes on me. She didn't speak until a second later. "Who are you talking about...Oh, this is about Seiya, isn't it?"  
  
My eyes shot open in surprise and I turned my head to her. "How...how did you know?"  
  
Dry humor flickered in her eyes. "I have my ways." She sat back down in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned foreword. "Listen, Yaten, I can't be the one to say that Seiya will get over Usagi because he obviously hasn't." I flinched and she paused before continuing. "But that doesn't mean that you can't love someone else. We all have our times when we experience someone we really love only to find out they don't feel the same way. It'll pass with time, and suicide isn't a way to deal with the pain."  
  
Anger flared inside me, and I managed to pull myself into a sitting position. "You don't understand," I slid from under the covers of the bed, "Just don't try to understand, Hotaru. Because it's obvious that you don't."  
  
I started to moved past her, but she gripped my arm, halting me. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Somewhere away from here," I pulled my arm from her hold, heading out her bedroom door but her voice stopped me.  
  
"Yaten?" I heard her weakly say, "Yaten, I know you're hurting, but please, don't kill yourself. Other people care about you're safety. Please, Yaten? You're a good friend and I don't want to lose you."  
  
I smiled sadly, resting a hand on the doorframe. "Sure, Hotaru. Sure." I sauntered out of her apartment, hoping she was satisfied with my lie. I wasn't sure she believed it though, it was strange, and that girl could sense everything.  
  
The rain had stopped, and I could see from the horizon that the sun was beginning to arise. The sunrise was beautiful and perfect, but I knew it could never last. As the old saying went, 'Nothing gold can stay' and in a way, it was so very true. I drew out a long breath, stepping carelessly in puddles as I passed down the silent street. I always hated the silence, there was just something about it that unnerved me. I didn't mind it now though, for some reason I welcomed it at the moment.  
  
I entered the park once more, and sat down on the bench that I had sat on only hours before. I sat watching the sunrise for at least ten minutes before I finally had the nerve to remove the blades from my coat pocket. I gazed at them, not really seeing them, only thinking about all that I had to gain and all that I had to lose. I would be throwing everything I ever cared about away, all my friends and I would never get to see Seiya again.   
  
Tears pricked at my eyes as I shook my head. Hotaru was wrong, I would never love anyone the way I loved Seiya. He was the God of my mind, my only reason that I kept on walking and turning my head to the better things in life. But now all that energy has just washed away, and I can't do it anymore. Seiya's friendship just isn't enough and without his love, my life is pointless. I rested the blade against my wrist, and before I could think about it, I slashed it open.   
  
It *hurt*. Whoever was the moron to say that it was painless was a complete idiot, because it hurt more than anything I've ever felt before. I slowly sank from the bench and onto the wet ground, clutching at my wrist as I bit my lip to keep from crying. It felt like it took hours before I finally began to feel sessions of dazed thoughts and my mind began swirling again. It felt like it took hours, when I knew that it was only a couple of minutes. Why was I doing this again? Oh, yes, Seiya. Seiya, Seiya, Seiya, it was always you. You were the one that made me cry all the time, you were the reason why I couldn't sleep at night. It was always you, Seiya. Perfect and flawless Seiya Kou.  
  
I clamped my eyes shut, feeling my head sinking to the ground and feeling the water from the previous rain weave it's way into my hair. The hand over my wrist loosened and I began to fall in and out of a puzzling sleep. I let out a relieved sigh, knowing that all my pain was about to end and that all my love for Seiya would stop once I was dead. Once I was in the boundaries of hell...  
  
So, Seiya, the one that I love, the one that I hate. I hope you do know that you're tomorrows will come and go, and won't it be too bad that I won't be there with you? Seiya, my obsession. Seiya, my possession. Seiya, my love, my darling, my hope and faith...  
  
You never really were mine to begin with.  
  
  
Owari. 


End file.
